Thursday, December 9

Colbert Taunts “Humanoid Simulation Boss” Mark Zuckerberg | Late night TV overview

Stephen Colbert

Stephen Colbert kicked off Thursday’s Late Show with the news of Facebook’s rebranding to Meta, “like when your Aunt Gloria said, ‘I met a guy on Facebook who says the vaccine makes his balls magnetic,'” he joked. .

The long-awaited name reflects the company’s priority to focus on its online digital realm known as the “metaverse.” “Great, we’ve come to the part of the movie where the corporation creates its own virtual world,” Colbert said. “What do you say if we skip all the robot lift to extract our organs and just jump right into the Thunderdome?”

According to a company statement, “From now on, we will be the metaverse first. Not Facebook first. “

“But don’t worry, adolescent self-esteem will always be last,” added Colbert.

The rebrand was announced in a video statement by Facebook CEO and “head of humanoid simulation” Mark Zuckerberg, who addressed the company’s recent public relations issues: the Facebook Papers, a whistleblower who testified before Congress. that the company knew was harmful to the mental health of adolescents and democracies. “With all the scrutiny and public debate, some of you may be wondering why we are doing this right now,” Zuckerberg said, adding that he believed humans are “on this Earth to create.”

“We live for what we are building, and while we make mistakes, we keep learning, building and moving forward,” he said.

“And we’ll keep building and moving and making bigger and better mistakes,” Colbert scoffed in a robotic voice. “There is no point in looking back at what someone did or said or covered or smashed or thrown into the river. River? What a laugh Building and learning “.

Seth meyers

Late at night, Seth Meyers discussed the torturous negotiations for Biden’s Build Back Better plan, his top-priority climate change and social services bill. Negotiations between Democrats “have been, and this is the exact political science term originally coined by historian Doris Kearns Goodwin, in her award-winning study Power and Influence in the 19th Century, shit-covered ass shit on a kettle of tea, “Meyers said. .

The process has been a “brutal job” thanks mainly to two centrist Democratic senators, Kyrsten Sinema and Joe Manchin, “who decided to take the bill hostage and turn it into a public melodrama to fuel their own egos and protect their corporate sponsors. “. Meyers said, pointing to Sinema’s ties to Big Pharma and Manchin’s reputation as a “kingmaker” by fossil fuel lobbies.

While the spending plan still contains “great and transformative things” like the child tax credit and universal pre-K, the cuts are “infuriating,” Meyers said. “For one thing, how can anyone be against drug price reform, free community college, or paid family leave?

“The stakes for this bill cannot be overstated,” he concluded, urging Democrats to “give voters a reason to keep them in office, otherwise the people who could take power in 2022. and 2024 are the republican cult of the rare authoritarians. “

Trevor noah

Trevor Noah also examined what’s left of Biden’s social policy bill after negotiations with moderate Democrats, who removed free community college and paid family and medical leave from the plan. “Which means the United States will remain the only nation in the world where women attempt to give birth at lunchtime,” joked the Daily Show host.

“But there is still a lot left in the bill that the Democrats want,” he added. “Things like universal pre-K, an extension of the child tax credit and half a billion dollars to combat climate change.

“The sad thing is that Biden wanted a much larger bill to address all of these problems, but the bill that he is trying to sell now is much smaller than that,” he concluded. “It’s like a doctor telling you: ‘to cure your cancer, I’m going to remove the entire tumor.’ And then when you wake up from the surgery, he says, ‘so all I could do was rub a little bit of Vick, and I hope that helps.’ Dr. Manchin wouldn’t let me use the scalpel. ‘

Jimmy Kimmel

And in Los Angeles, Jimmy Kimmel poked fun at Donald Trump’s latest conspiracy-laden opinion piece in the Wall Street Journal, marking his turn to “an old retiree, snarling op-ed for the newspaper.

“I hope he’s still writing them in 20 years, really,” Kimmel said. Meanwhile, the former president is scheduled to attend Game 4 of the World Series in Atlanta on Saturday. “The Braves have done everything they can to distance themselves as much as they can,” Kimmel said, as CEO Terry McGuirk said Trump would not sit with the majors or club officials, and would have his own separate suite. . “Of course they are giving him a suite,” Kimmel said. “Not that he would pay for a suite, they will have to give it to him.

“But I wonder if Melania will be there.” “I wonder if Melania is still in the United States. She’s gone, right? I’m starting to wonder if Melania ever existed or if she was some kind of weird Slovenian fever dream. “

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