FOR GARETH, THEY DID
When the England team leaked onto the internet early Tuesday afternoon, The Fiver was (obviously) outraged. Three in the back? THREE?! Or is it five? FIVE ON THE BACK? With two defensive-minded central midfielders? But we are Ingerland, on our own turf, and it’s just the fucking Germans! Gareth Southgate, you don’t know what you’re doing! Absolute Muppet, buddy! Once i went to see [generic football team] we played at Middlesbrough in 2007 and we absolutely beat them. He’s not cut out for this job, that’s for sure. La Liga winner Kieran Trippier as a right back? SOUTHGATE OUT!
A few hours later it was a brief moment in stoppage time, when The Fiver was sitting on the chaise longue trying to make sense of the fact that England were 2-0 up and moving towards a win over their biggest rivals. With Tin pouring into his mouth as easily as English bodies cascading down the bleachers just moments before, The Fiver surmised that Southgate might be the greatest tactical mind the game has ever seen. I always said it, buddy. Absolute genius. What man cannot do with a blackboard.
If our English cousin Morris Dancing Fiver, $ exually repressed, had come to the game, he might have pointed out that some lowly pie should be eaten. That Southgate has gotten a lot right in this tournament, from the inclusion of Kalvin Phillips and Tyrone Mings, to the use of the terrifying Bank of England, that he probably knows what he’s about to get the backing of Raheem Sterling, to the tone and the calm with which he has tackled almost all the problems on and off the field in recent weeks. But the expressly suppressed Morris Dancing Fiver didn’t come, so that was it.
So while Southgate has bought himself a bit of time with that result, he better watch it for the quarter-finals. If you don’t play Union Jack Grealish from the start of Saturday against Ukraine, who Shevchenko made his way to the last eight with an overtime winner against Sweden on Tuesday night, the knives will be out! You’ve been warned, Gareth!
QUOTE OF THE DAY
“I’m thinking that maybe I will go home, but not yet”, José Mourinho gives his opinion on the chances of England after the victory over Germany.
Football Daily in IN 2020 – Here is the latest episode.
“I’m starting to see the Greece 2004 team in a different and much more positive way” – Tim Woods.
“So we finished 44 games to get to an interesting quarter-final clash. Even that is diluted after Pepe destroyed Belgium’s column (s). Congratulations Italy, already? “- Krishna Moorthy.
“Steve Malone might want visual evidence of what goes on behind closed doors at Fiver Towers, but I certainly don’t. The written descriptions are disturbing enough, thank you. ”- Richard O’Hagan.
“Could you forward this to the folks at Football Weekly? I have really enjoyed the daily Euro pods. Lately, they’ve been a bit like the movie Tenet, with time going back and forth. I’m really amused that Max references his past self in segments that play across the top of the pod but actually do record after everything else. Could Barry try reading some comments backwards to see the full pseudo-time travel experience? Thanks from USA! USA!! USA!!! listener who can’t watch the games live while I’m at work ”- Kevin Fox.
NEWS, BITS AND BOBS
Sweden coach Janne Anderson came close to shedding tears of despair after his latest 2-1 loss in extra time to Ukraine. “This is the worst I’ve ever experienced in a football context, it was brutal,” he snorted. “It’s so horrible and brutal that it doesn’t get any worse when we talk about sports.”
Dutch manager Frank De Boer is now just old Frank De Boer again. “I have decided not to continue as national coach,” sobbed the FDB. “The objective was not achieved, that is clear.”
And Belgium coach Bobby M didn’t seem very hopeful that Kevin De Bruyne and Eden Hazard are fit and ready to torment Italy on Friday. “Our main concern at the moment is the weather, as the match against Italy is fast approaching,” he sighed. “In case we pass, they will be ready for the semifinal anyway.”
Some Everton fans will be delighted to learn that Rafa Benitez has reached a three-year agreement to manage the club.
Patrick Vieira is on the line of succeeding Roy as Crystal Palace coach after agreeing to terms with the club.
Lionel Messi will be able to join Tranmere Rovers, Rotherham or Spurs (honk) for free at midnight on Wednesday unless he signs a new deal with Barcelona quickly.
Birmingham Women has appointed Scott Booth as the new manager.
And Markus Schopp has wasted no time trying to sweet talk to Barnsley fans after being named their new boss. “There are so many clubs [in England] and they are so famous and Barnsley, for me, is one of those teams, ”he cooed.
DO YOU STILL WANT MORE?
Luke Shaw fine. Harry Maguire great. Raheem Sterling older. Even Harry Kane is fine. Jacob Steinberg’s qualifications from Wembley.
The Fiver’s response to Nancy Banks-Smith, Michael Butler, saw BBC television coverage of England winning the Euros in the second round stage.
“The feeling of people emerging from a fever dream into a strange new light.” Barney Ronay savors the moment England believed.
Lager, vindaloo, muesli, aquamarine sheets. Jonathan Liew enjoys the sheer joy of England fans to see his team get good at football.
This was a Löw. Nick Ames at Jogi’s last booth.
France had every chance of winning Euro 2020, but Didier Deschamps spoiled it, acknowledges Eric Devin.
Knowledge of chainsaws and pyrotechnics used in bizarre post-goal stunts in soccer.
Here’s the latest state of play in the Golden Boot race.
Oh, and if it’s your thing … you can follow Big Website on Big Social FaceSpace. Y INSTACHAT, ALSO!
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George is Digismak’s reported cum editor with 13 years of experience in Journalism