SSomething terrible happened a year ago. It involved my dog, another dog (which was fine, by the way, after a while), and I broke my hand trying to get it to stop. What I should have done, apparently, is stick my finger in my dog’s ass. You know when you have a trauma and repeat the moment many times, wishing you had done things differently? I still get a lot of it, completely focused on Romeo’s butt. I stare at him for hours, full of himself.
As a result, he is no longer allowed to step out of leadership, so even though I have innovated this, running with him and teaching him dog jumping, he is now quite fat. Nor do I enjoy walks that much, because they are not so carefree; we both exercise less.
Enter Amy Lou Perry and her cockapoo Teddy, famous on Instagram primarily for her cuteness, but also the creator of a dog training she lives in. Insta. Is it for your own waist or that of your dog? It’s hard to say: who (except me) would embarrass their own dog? Mainly, I think, it’s an opportunity to hang out together.
It starts with a lunge, where you have your pet knit under your dominant leg, dangling some ham. Romeo didn’t understand this. The irony is that he’s pretty well trained and all the commands (stay, wait, sit, kick, down) are taken. It can even do a kickback, where it flips upside down, away from the ham. She tried everything, almost having a nervous breakdown trying to understand what I meant by “knitting.” And I almost gave myself a hernia trying to hold back my thrust.
On the board: take your position, then high-fives the dog with alternating hands, to intensify the exercise. He managed, but by then he had had enough ham and somehow me too. What else are you going to do with a fistful of processed pork – look at it?
In a wall-sit, the ideal would be to hold your dog in your arms, which I can see would increase the burn on your thighs and introduce a bicep dimension, but I have to file that under “could work on a cockapoo”. Barrel-chested dogs hate being held. The squats technically worked out very well; he mastered the directions quickly – “jump up and put your front paws in my hands”, the cues are visual rather than verbal – but he saw it as an invitation to lick me all over the place, which was nevertheless better than a burpee. When I did the burpee, it just jumped. But it was all too exciting and spontaneous urination could have happened on my yoga mat. Still, instead of him than me, huh?
For me, the best choreographed move was sitting down, where he just had to give me his paw on top. The best exercise was the push-up, where concentrating on keeping the dog’s attention made me forget how excruciating I find them.
My absolutely honest conclusion? I get more exercise trying to get the rabbit back to its cage at the end of the day. This good dog, in the photo, by the way, is not my dog. But you knew it.
What i learned
Never pick up a dog by its limbs, and be careful when picking it up – some dogs will be in a lot of pain before they even squeal.
Paw patrol: three ways to exercise with your dog
Possibly the most famous yoga dog in the world is Secret, the Australian Cattle Dog. I urge you not to look up Meet the dog who is a yoga professional; it will give you dog envy. You need a very intelligent pet that will accompany you even in the most basic poses, as well as one of the correct form (beagles are intelligent but not the most agile). If you have a collie, you are ready, but probably too busy with your sheep and all that.
In a hurry
While it is possible to run with a dog on a leash, it is preferable not to do so as it disrupts the movement of the arms, which is a major factor in overall pace and gait. Instead, seasoned dog runners say they will generally follow you and try to keep up as long as you don’t go too slow. In other words, you may need to hone your own fitness before you start running with your dog.
George is Digismak’s reported cum editor with 13 years of experience in Journalism