One of the things that I regret the most in raising my children is when I speak to them incorrectly, those moments when I lose control. Those in which I end up exploding and generate a horrible explosive wave that colors my speech with nonsense and absurd phrases.
Those situations in which the snowball gets bigger and bigger and you end up saying exactly what, instantly, you regret having verbalized. Where I scream, I judge nonsense and I show my worst version.
We live in a society where there is little time to listen, to think and to converse calmly. Everything is immediate, fleeting. The whirlwind of day to day, the rush, the hundreds of things to do lead us to live in authentic chaos and, sometimes, out of control.
On many occasions we listen without the intention of understanding each other, we raise our voices without meaning, we lose our calm unjustifiably. We maximize situations with little importance, we generalize situations as if they were cliché, we repeat the same mistakes over and over again.
We listen little and badly, we act without coherence between our words and our example, we accompany in an incorrect way with unjust anger and threats. Many of the conversations with our children turn into interrogations full of reproaches and labels, of erroneous evaluations.
We educate from impatience, depending on our moods, our worries or levels of stress. We have little time to educate from the calm, to converse calmly to share moments in a relaxed way. We give few opportunities for explanations, to rectify, to learn from mistakes, to ask for forgiveness.
We end up becoming the worst communicative example our children can have. Resolving conflicts by raising your voice and speaking without respect. The screams, the bad-sounding words, the contradictory messages take away our authority, raise walls, fill us with frustration.
Often in conversations with our children we engage in evaluating rather than listening, not interpreting and advising rather than understanding. We find it difficult to observe and empathize.
Everything would change if we understood that communication should become the pillar of our accompaniment, of our way of educating them, of loving them. Improving communication with our children is undoubtedly the unfinished business of many parents. Having a bad communication generates impotence, guilt and a lot of frustration.
Communication is essential for our children to develop and grow in an environment in which freedom of expression, trust and participation predominate. Good communication facilitates the development of a positive, collaborative and empathetic mindset. Everything communicates; our words, our gestures, our looks, our silences, our tone of voice.
Communicating with our children effectively will allow us to create an affective bond that unites us with them, to be aware of their needs, concerns or feelings and to carry out good educational supervision.
Love, respect and patience are the three essential ingredients in all family communication. Our children need us to be very present in their lives at a safe distance. Feeling that we take them very seriously, that we trust them, that we understand that they are growing by leaps and bounds and that we want to accompany them along the way.
Adequate family communication will mean greater psychosocial well-being for our children and will contribute very positively to the formation of their self-concept and self-esteem. The relationships we establish with them will help us to redefine the parent-child roles within the family.
How can we get it?
- When we communicate with them, it is necessary that they feel our affection, look them in the eye, dedicate quality time to them. Show interest in everything they explain to us and show empathy towards what they say and feel. Repeat them daily how wonderful it is to have them in our lives, how proud we are with each of their progress.
- Let’s open communication channels that pamper, protect, calm. Let’s find moments to talk without haste, to rectify positively, to achieve fluid communication taking into account the concerns, concerns or doubts that our little ones have.
- Let’s respect the space of privacy they need, their vital rhythms, let’s reinforce their role within the family by giving them prominence. Let us listen to their opinions with interest and encourage them to make decisions.
- Keep in mind that communicating is not imposing, assuming or blackmailing. It is sharing what happens to us, we feel or need with great respect, avoiding interruptions, sarcastic tones and double meanings.
- Our children need to feel that we understand what they feel, that we validate their emotions and listen to them from the heart. That we dedicate time to them so that they can express and share with us everything that runs through them inside, expanding and strengthening our ties.
- Let’s not forget that affective and effective communication empowers, encourages our children to be brave, to make an effort, to believe in themselves. That helps our children feel loved and valued.
- Let us fill our conversations with positive language, with words that understand, that give opportunities, that accompany fears.
- Let’s listen without interrupting, interpreting or anticipating events, looking for the right moment to speak.
- Let’s eliminate authoritative phrases, value judgments, sermons or comparisons from our dialogues. The screams that deafen, that break ties, that frighten, humiliate and fill with impotence.
- Let us ask for forgiveness when we make mistakes, let us listen without interruption, let us decipher the silences that explain so much.
- Let’s find creative ways to resolve conflicts. Let us agree on possible solutions so that they are satisfactory for both sides.
- Let us accept that our children may have tastes and opinions different from ours, that they see life from another perspective, that they want to feel free.
- Let’s learn to calm down before speaking, to take distance when we need it, to speak with a serene and calm voice, being very aware of our gestures.
- Let us train them to dialogue, to think before acting, to ask for forgiveness or forgiveness. To communicate without speaking with gestures, looks, caresses and hugs that are expressed by everything that goes through them inside. Let us educate them to express fragility, anger or frustration.
Let us always remember that our worst communication problem is that we do not listen to understand, we listen to answer. Let’s make communication the best educational tool to educate from love and understanding.
Digsmak is a news publisher with over 12 years of reporting experiance; and have published in many industry leading publications and news sites.