Sunday, December 5

How to educate without shouting and with respect


How to educate without shouting and with respect
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If you are a father or mother, you may consider educational purposes: stop yelling to my children, set standards that are met without resorting to punishments, promote their autonomy and self-esteem … We give you the keys of the experts to help you fulfill these types of purposes and that the desire to implement them does not wane.

How to educate without yelling

It is a classic in the list of purposes of fathers and mothers: stop yelling our children and teach them to be more respectful. And it is that turning respect into the basis of all our educational work is the best we can do not only to educate our children in values ​​but also to forge a positive relationship, of trust, of complicity, of unconditional love, with our children. .

And the truth is, as María Soto tells us, “if we spoke to our friends as we speak to our children, how many friends would we have?” It’s food for thought, don’t you think?

However, to educate respectful people, says Tania García, head of Edurespeta, “the basis and the trick is always to treat our children as we like to be treated by anyone.”

1.- First, take care of yourself.

As María Soto tells us in our workshop, “we need not to lose sight of self-care”, because “what are we teaching our children if we don’t take care of ourselves? Are they going to respect us or are they going to respect each other if we don’t respect each other? “. Pepa Horno, an expert in childhood, strongly agrees: to educate our children in a positive and respectful way, “the first key, although it may seem paradoxical, is self-care. You cannot educate well if you are not well ”. Bei Muñoz, author of the blog Tigriteando, also emphasizes this idea: “the key idea is to take care of ourselves”.

2.- Set yourself the challenge to stop yelling

With this noble goal, there is the Orange Rhino Challenge. Its creator, Sheila McCraith, points out that we must not limit ourselves to having a purpose, but we must create a plan: set a clear goal (for example, stop screaming for a month in a row), observe when and why the scream is triggered ( for example, when we want to get to school early, or when we cannot get them to bed, or when we want them to eat what is on the plate) and think about possible solutions or alternatives, such as screaming out of the sight of your children, or running, or drinking photos, or laugh even if you don’t feel like it, knock on a table, count to 100, write why you want to scream …

Alba Castellví, author of Educar sin yelling, proposes these ideas to help us avoid resorting to the easy cry:

  • Do not repeat orders more than two or three times. If we do, we have a good chance of ending up raising our voices, exasperated by the frustration of not getting them to do what they should..

  • Offer them the possibility to choose between several options, assuming the natural consequences derived from your choice.
  • Take several deep breaths before entering the house when we come from work, so that the inertia and overload that we carry do not affect our educational work.

3.- Commit to a more respectful communication

We want our children not to yell, speak with respect, respect others … And the key, as always, is in the example. “If I speak well to you, you speak well to me”, Eva Bach proposes that we say to our children. The pedagogue tells us in this video about the main characteristics that a more respectful and positive communication with our children should have.

Keys to positive communication with our children

  • Clear and short messages: As Eva Bach says and as surely you already know, our children do not remember or listen to ramblings. So it is better to convey clear, short and courageous messages about what we consent to and what we do not.
  • Direct criticism of behavior, expressing trust and unconditional love towards the person. Instead of “You are disobedient”, say: “I see that you have not done what we had agreed that you would do. I know you are capable of doing it. ”
  • Replace reproaches or devastating judgments, expressed from the you are (“It is that you have not done …”, “You are a disaster …”) for the respectful expression of our opinion and feelings, from the I feel (“I did not like that you have not done …”) or from what we see objectively (“I see your room very messy”).
  • Focus together on solutions to conflicts. Instead of brooding over the negative (“Why have you painted the wall? It’s that you always mess it up, how do you think …?”), Focus on solutions: “How can we solve this? Let’s clean the wall together ”).


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