Another school shooting.
After 19 students and two adults were killed at Robb Elementary School in Uvalde on Tuesday, many parents might be at a loss, wondering: How do we explain this to our children? What can we tell you that we haven’t already told you?
After the Las Vegas concert shooting in 2017, Jane Ripperger-Suhler, a child psychiatrist at the Texas Child Study Center in Seton, gave this advice to parents about how much we should share with children when a mass shooting occurs. Again, these are important tips after the ragedia in Uvalde.
“It really depends on the developmental level of the kids,” says Ripperger-Suhler.
Consider how you think your child will take what he sees on TV, the psychiatrist adds, stressing that she wouldn’t recommend “a preschooler” watch a lot.
For kids who are already in school, you can watch some news with them, but be prepared to talk about it and answer their questions. As parents you can ask your children things like: What do you think about this? o What questions do you have?
You should discuss whether your child wants to talk about it, but make sure you don’t force it, says Ripperger-Suhler.
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Explain things to him as simply and objectively as you can. You could say, “A young man walked into a school and shot at students.”
You can focus on how you feel, that you are upset and that you don’t understand why this happened either, but be careful how you react. “If a parent faints or becomes frantic, a child will do the same.”
The most important thing is to remind children that they are safe; that you will keep them safe, and when they are in school, their teachers will keep them safe.
If your child seems obsessed with what happened in these shootings, you can suggest drawing, building something, or acting something out, if he doesn’t want to talk about the facts.
If they can’t seem to move on after a few days, are afraid to go to school, are too afraid to go to sleep, have physical symptoms of stress or behavioral problems, get them help as soon as possible, says Ripperger-Suhler.
The psychiatrist recommends that parents take special care if their child has experienced any other trauma. Seeing this scene on TV won’t cause PTSD, she says, but it can be more traumatic and unsettling for some children.
Ripperger-Suhler says it’s important to continue a normal life. And that normal life means going to school.
If your child expresses any fear about this, assure him that you will keep him safe.
“Parenting is hard, and it’s really hard when all these things are happening,” says Julia Hoke, a psychologist and former director of psychological services at the Austin Child Guidance Center. “We have to assure them that we are safe. It’s what you have to do.”
It also has to be authentic and genuine, he says, but it has to put up a wall and not show them the true depth of our fear and anxiety. The children “are going to take our example.”
Many children will already know what is happening because in schools they will talk about it, their friends will talk about it and they will have access to social networks. They are waiting for their parents and teachers to reassure them. “Your goal in talking to your child is to make sure he feels safe,” says Hoke.
Don’t go into graphic or gory detail. “Even with older kids, (you) don’t want to share too much,” says Hoke.
That could also mean limiting your children’s access to the news and social media. That implies not having the news on at all times. The intent is to avoid exposing the children (and yourself) to secondary trauma.
“In general, when things like this happen, it’s important to stick to your normal routine as much as possible,” says Hoke. That doesn’t mean he should ignore what’s going on.
Give them updates, but remind them that adults and authorities will do their best to keep them safe, but remind them that if they see something strange with one of their friends or classmates or are worried about one of their classmates, they should tell an adult immediately.
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George is Digismak’s reported cum editor with 13 years of experience in Journalism