Thursday, March 28

I interviewed hundreds of people looking for the perfect routine. I realized that there is not one | Health & Wellness


In our culture that puts productivity on a pedestal, a streamlined routine has been sold as the balm for all manner of dilemmas. Did you lose your job? Follow your routine. Are you experiencing anxiety, depression, or grief? Find a routine. Living a pandemic? Get into a new routine.

Sometimes we need the support of a schedule. Routines are beneficial: they seem solid, they promise order, they seem reliable. They can be comforting, providing a sense of certainty and control in a world that neither offers. For some, a routine is crucial to reducing decision fatigue and just getting through the day, but for others, constant vigilance is exhausting.

In our quest to improve, we are often told that if we could be more consistent, more disciplined, more productive, we could be better. But a perfectly optimized routine is rarely the great solution it promises to be, precisely because it is often aspirational.

Like so many in our hyperactive and ambitious world, I’ve been drawn to the allure of a brilliant new routine: I ate the frog, put butter in my morning coffee, bought the new planner, divided my day into 45 minutes. blocks These popular systems may be useful to some, and I found it even a juicy pleasure to try the latest trick. But they can also create something else to stumble upon. Not sticking to a perfect routine perfectly is yet another reason to feel overwhelmed, exhausted, and inadequate.

My penchant for trying to perfect my routine, and the resulting embarrassment I felt at perpetually failing, led me to interview hundreds of people about how they build their days. I spent over five years talking to successful people about their daily routines for my blog, extraordinary routines, and my podcast, Routines and Ruts. What I soon realized when reviewing the routines of so many people was there is no one-size-fits-all routine.

Jenny Kee at the opening of Linda Jackson and herself, Step Into Paradise, The Power House Museum, Sydney, October 16, 2019.
Jenny Kee says she needs to live without routines to account for variations in her health. Photograph: Jessica Hromas / The Guardian

Not only do our days vary; we vary within them. We all have 24 hours, but they are not available to each of us in the same way: we can work nine to five, take care of young children, accumulate one job after another, have a longer commute, or have the flexibility of independent work.

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Obsessing over productivity can mean ignoring variations in our circumstances, be it our health, financial position, or responsibilities. We can’t hope to recreate the same recipe when we don’t have the same ingredients.

In my desperate search for the perfect routine, I found new hope: what if I could accept the inevitable variations in myself and every day? Talking to the fashion designer. Jenny kee It crystallized for me that it is okay to be “haphazardly.” Recovering from a back injury and adrenal fatigue, she told me that she needed to go most of her week without a routine, to be open to the pendulum swing her health could create. “I’m messy, but that’s the way I am. I like that my day is a little free. I am almost 70 years old and I don’t think it will change ”.

Interestingly, when I stopped trying to deny the ebb and flow of a day, I found myself more engaged, even more productive. But maybe that shouldn’t be surprising. Often when we accept ourselves and forgive our various weaknesses, we are in a better position to focus our attention on what can be done, rather than feeling guilty about what has not been done.

Talking to the hatbox ricardo nylon, I learned that it is possible to shrug it off when things don’t go according to schedule: “I know there are people who really love to have this done at that time, and they get mad if this or that is not happening.” told me. “Whereas if something doesn’t happen, I just shrug and move on.” When we recognize that there will be inevitable distractions, obstacles, and interruptions, we can be better positioned to work with them.

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Austin Kleon speaks onstage at Featured Session: Go Forward with Austin Kleon and Debbie Millman during the 2019 SXSW Conference and Festivals at Fairmont Manchester on March 11, 2019 in Austin, Texas.  (Photo by Amy E. Price / Getty Images for SXSW)
Austin Kleon’s ‘portable routine’ acts as a way to anchor your day and increase momentum. Photograph: Amy E Price / Getty Images for SXSW

That being said, we may still need structures to help us get through the day. While not having an established pattern can bring more freedom, it also brings uncertainty. So how do we best prepare ourselves to do the things we need to do, without stumbling over rigid ideals?

Instead of elaborate routines, many people I have interviewed create anchors that can be flexible within their days. For example, instead of scheduling each package for the day, we can reserve it. When I interviewed the writer and critic kylie maslenHe told me that he has rules and rituals for the afternoon and the morning. “The routines at the end of the day are very important to me and it is a way of taking care of my physical and mental health, but it is also very important for me to put an end to the end of the workday.”

I didn't do today's cover.
Photography: Murdoch Books

Another memorable approach is the “portable routine” of artist and author. austin kleon. On any given day, your goal is to journal, write, read, and walk. Those activities don’t follow any particular order, nor do they always happen, but when you do those four things, it’s a good day.

This checklist approach can also help build momentum. In Kleon’s example, he writes a short blog post every day, which is included in his weekly newsletter. Over time, you begin to notice the formation of topics, which can become a talk, and that talk can become the basis of a book. A checked checkbox feeds others, while also offering small rewards along the way.

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Doing things in the correct order does not improve our days; being present in all that is in them does. Sometimes that means leaving a checkbox unchecked; sometimes it means giving yourself permission to do something else, rather than feeling guilty about what you are not doing. Sometimes it means allowing the day to unfold as it does. Maybe we can have the grind, the to-do list, but keep it light-hearted rather than constantly falling short of an aspiration placed on a shoddy pedestal.

Also, do we really want a totally streamlined day? A perfectly ordered and optimized life, the only promise of cheats and productivity lists, would be pretty boring. Blemishes are inevitable, but they are also what we can most relate to and learn about in our day.


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