The dilemma My partner and I have been separated by Covid for many weeks. I live in our house while he has moved and is caring for his disabled adult daughter. The agreement was that when his daughter returned to her mother, he would return home.
However, the date seems to be constantly changing. Last week, this week and now next week. This is all due to their great anxiety regarding Covid. First, it delayed going home because my son, who had recently had the virus, came for the weekend. Then it was delayed again because my son had met a friend so he could have Infection on household surfaces for 28 days.
Now I’m thinking he won’t be coming home until we’ve all been vaccinated. I’m cautious, but I try to have some company and playfulness while mitigating risks. He basically wants me to stop all activities. I’ve already given up things that I would otherwise do because of your anxiety, and it’s not even here.
He is very clear that he will lock himself up for six months if necessary, convinced that if he does contract it, he will become ill in the long term or die.
He loves me and would rather be here, but only if I accept a personal confinement. We cannot find a way forward and this is not doing our relationship any good.
I think it’s way above; he thinks everyone else is lazy and a little crazy.
Mariella responds That timely. And what a complicated game this Covid business has turned out to be. As much as it has led many of us to consider our health, make lifestyle changes, and establish what we value in our lives, it has also caused breakdowns and seismic changes in relationships. Now I look back on the first lockdown as a simpler time – a happy honeymoon period, when as a nation we were united in our efforts to fight disease, save the NHS, and take refuge for the good of our families, neighbors and communities. . and country.
Those were the long, sunny days when, without realizing it, we discovered the joys of putting normal life on hold. For many of us, the experience, while fraught with practical concerns, was positive in terms of reconnecting with family and a less hectic lifestyle. We had the licensing system, the less widespread support for the self-employed, and more importantly, the belief that the disease could be contained and the knowledge that we were doing what we could for the greater good.
Now, like so many mass movements, that unifying sense of principle seems to have disintegrated and we return to the dog-eat-dog mentality that all too often defines us as a species. Our strength of purpose has waned and died and instead we have split into selfish factions, abiding by lip service while interpreting them to our liking. It is not a compliment on how things have been handled that we have lost our sense of unity so quickly, but, as history shows, it was always that way; things have sped up a bit here in the 21st century. Where we have barely survived with discipline intact for six months, the war generation held together for six years; proof, if necessary, that we are definitely made of less severe things. Which brings me to your partner and the decisions you are making regarding your relationship.
It is to your credit that you have dedicated yourself to caring for your daughter, and with the responsibility of a vulnerable child at the forefront of your mind it is also no wonder that you are taking such care to avoid exposure. Nobody wants to be the selfish man who “killed Grandma,” as the government so subtly put it in one of its least-advised propaganda campaigns. But, less favorably, there is also the clarity during difficult times to see people for who they really are, or at least what they reveal they are under pressure. Your partner isn’t prioritizing you, that’s for sure, and their way of dealing with the pandemic may lead you to think less favorably about their character. However, these are difficult times and forgiveness must be high on our agenda.
Your options at this time are limited, so inaction seems like the best form of action to me at this time. Living with this man’s level of defensive paranoia could drive you to the brink of sanity, so accepting his version of the lockdown sounds quite onerous. I would settle for moving on with your own life, making the decisions you feel comfortable with, and concentrating on the day when life as we knew it can resume.
It will offer you a period in which to consider whether, if your individual positions on how to live continue to be as divided as they are now, there is enough common ground to stay together. However, that is for the future. Right now, getting along without major hiccups, making allowances for ourselves and others, and trying to stay sane should be enough to keep us all busy.
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