Monday, August 8

My child does not want to do homework, what should I do?

In many houses, September arrives, the school year begins, and homework becomes the subject of dispute each afternoon. There are many children who either refuse to do them, or do not finish them, or stay with them forever, condemning the whole family’s afternoon. Before this panorama, What can we mothers and fathers do? Do we force our children to do them? Do we let them decide what to do and take responsibility for their tasks and decisions?

So that you can make a decision in this regard, we suggest that you ask yourself the following questions first.

1. Does my child have a minister’s agenda?

Although it may seem like an exaggerated question, if we think about it carefully, we will see that it is not so much. There are children who enter the school at 8 in the morning and, when they leave, they go directly to extracurricular activities. By the time they get home it’s late, and they still have to do homework, shower, and eat dinner. «I have not seen any worker agreement that allows 14 hours of uninterrupted work, only children. Nobody defends children ”said the pedagogue Mar Romera in a wonderful presentation in an event Educate is everything. And it continued like this: “Has anyone asked these children? It gives me no. It gives me that we are riding it on our own terms, that we have thought about our expectations, frustrations, and we have projected them all on that child who only needs a little bit of sky, a little bit of grass, who only needs to be heard, touched, loved , cried and laughed with you. Our heads are gone, families ”.

If when we got home from work we were asked to do reports, would we do them willingly? We would be physically and mentally tired. The same happens to our children

That our children do not want to do homework when they have spent eight hours in class, attending a teacher, making index cards, solving problems … it is not so rare. Therefore, The first thing we should ask ourselves is if our child is overloaded with directed activities and if, therefore, in their afternoon they do not have any space to play, to disconnect from those obligations that we have placed on them.

2. Have I set a schedule for you to do your homework?

In many homes, homework becomes the only activity in the afternoon. It’s getting home, having a snack, and homework until dinner time. And this activity ends up involving us all, not only our son, but also the adults, who spend the afternoon waiting for our son to finish to be able to do any other activity.

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Do you feel identified with this scene? The founder of Relax and educate Amaya de miguel suggests that, faced with this situation, “Let’s talk to our son’s tutor and ask him how much time he should spend doing homework. If he tells us one hour, allow him to stay one hour, with about 10 minutes to spare. Most children, if they do not have any difficulty or learning disorder, are able to do their homework in the time that the teacher considers, the problem is that they entertain themselves with other things, they get bored, they are distracted and they look for any excuses to do another activity.

Setting schedules and setting a time limit for homework is very important Freepik

Therefore, if this is your problem, the solution may be to put a limit on the time your child can dedicate to homework. And you may be wondering: what happens if he does not finish them? Well, “the next day he will take them half, but quickly he will learn to organize himself and not be distracted to finish them”, Amaya tells us.

3. Do I put too much focus on the notes?

“More and more educational theorists question the very usefulness of the notes, since they shift the focus to the results and take it away from the process: Students stop valuing effort and worry only about passing, whatever it may be: if you have to cheat, they are done. It does not matter that they have not understood anything, if they are able to put it on an exam and pass, that’s okay ”, says psychologist Alberto Soler.

As Alberto Soler tells us, we must teach our children the value of effort, which in the long run will lead them to success in any facet of their lives, including studies. If we, their parents, place more importance on grades than on the fact that our child has made an effort or has worked hard, we will be teaching our child not to make an effort, not to give value to work. And, therefore, doing homework, continuing to review content seen in class to strengthen them will be something that they will not value.

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4. Have I been able to establish a study habit in him?

For a rule to be fulfilled it is always necessary that we make it a habit. Thus, for example, we can have as a rule at home that we always brush our teeth after dinner. At first, it will be a rule that our children must comply with, and in order for them to do so, “we will have to be present, reminding them of it, but there will come a time when they have internalized it so much, that they comply with it even though we are not there to remind them, we simply they will have become a habit “, tells us the psychopedagogue María Helena Tolosa. And this is what we have to achieve with the study habit. Many of the children who find it difficult to get home and do the work they have to turn in the next day in class, what happens to them is that they do not have the study habit installed.

“A habit is installed when the child puts the rule into practice without the need of an adult being present”

María Helena Tolosa – Psychopedagogue

5. What is the atmosphere at home when doing homework?

Are there more children at home playing while one of them is doing homework? Are there even some with the TV or music on? Something that helps children a lot to focus on homework is creating a favorable climate at home, in which there are no major distractions. To get this peace You can help us close a schedule of homework and study for all the children in the house, in this way, neither will disturb the other. Another good way to encourage our children to do homework is “by sitting close to him to finish work reports, or to carry out any activity that requires concentration. In this way, we will be generating a sense of team and alliance with them,” he says. the teacher and author of the book ‘How to prevent conflicts with adolescents’ Alejandro Rodrigo.

That at home there is a work environment while my son does his homework will motivate him to do it Freepik

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Strategies that don’t work if you want to get your child to do their homework

Often, to reverse the situation, mothers and fathers resort to all kinds of strategies to get our children to do their homework. There are three very common ones that don’t work. Take note:

Punishments and rewards

We are very used to rewarding what we consider to be good behavior by our sons and daughters and punishing the wrong ones, and this strategy may work for us in the short term and our son or daughter ends up paying attention to us, but what he is really learning is that the only The reason for, in this case, doing homework is to receive a reward or avoid punishment. At the end of the day, as the psychologist Alberto Soler says, “If our children follow the rules just out of fear of retaliation, the moment we turn around, they will stop following them”.

Label and compare you

When there are several children in a house, sometimes we tend to make comparisons: “your brother has finished, and you, who started earlier, are still there” or “your brother, at your age, always did his homework without question”. In this sense, Alberto Soler reminds us that “Comparisons distance siblings, foster competitiveness among them and make them rival more than being part of the same team. But not only negative comparisons, also positive ones> (how nice that you collect everything, not like your brother), because in a comparison there is always an offense towards one of the parties, no matter how much the intention is to praise one of them “.

“Comparisons between siblings generate competitiveness”

Alberto Soler – Psychologist

Do homework for him

Sometimes we make the mistake of finishing their homework for us to have it done the next day. “The duties are put by the teachers to the students, not to the parents of the students, although sometimes we forget”, Alejandro Rodrigo tells us. It is important to remember that if we want our children to be autonomous and responsible, we have to let them do their homework and take responsibility for their actions. Therefore, doing our children’s homework hurts them in the long run.

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