Sunday, December 5

Paula Púa: Letter from the Empress of the Pale to the readers | Summer Magazine


Dear readers:

One more year I find myself in the moral obligation to deny a popular belief that has originated around my people. I know that it is hard to believe and that, after these declarations, I will be the pasture of the hordes. Surely a very confused crowd will run after me with rakes and torches yelling: “She is a witch!” But I have a commitment to my people that I have to fulfill, so here it goes:

Those of us who are white in summer know that we are white even if you don’t tell us.

Our species, like yours, has developed a vision capable of distinguishing different shades. It is true that we live in the darkest settlements that we have been able to find: caves, tunnels and attics of 700 euros of Idealista. However, we have what you call “mirrors”, so we are aware of our image and that we will never belong to the groups of the non-pale.

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Having clarified this point, I understand the discomfort and mockery towards us, since not getting dark in summer has many advantages and that can unleash many envies outside the realm of the pale. I will describe them briefly while I wait for my skin to absorb the special protection 50 baby sun cream that I have applied before writing:

Everyone knows that we pale people are very mysterious and we generate a lot of attention in the summer season: everyone wonders why we haven’t gone on vacation. Actually, we are gone, but our pigment does not reflect it, so doubts arise around us such as: “Why didn’t you go on vacation? What kind of secret millionaire project is he up to that he hasn’t been able to sunbathe for even one afternoon? Does it have something to do with Jeff Bezos?

And so, unlike melanin, the reputation of the pale grows every summer.

To highlight another advantage, we have to go back three years, when “the white incident” took place on the Malvarrosa beach in Valencia. It is said that one of our people was seen coming out of the sea with difficulty, dragging the black and green algae that it found in its path, turning in the eyes of vacationers into a pale creature emerged from the depths that frightened children and children in its path. elderly.

However, thanks to this, half the beach was emptied and the pale man was able to place his towel closer to the shore.

When the pale creature emerged from the water, half the beach was emptied and the pale creature was able to place his towel closer to the shore.
When the pale creature emerged from the water, half the beach was emptied and the pale creature was able to place his towel closer to the shore.Manuel Bruque / EFE

On the other hand, when summer arrives, the skin of the pale is capable of mutating to one of the most coveted colors by modern society: pale pink, a tone that for a couple of years has been claimed as the favorite of Fashion. There are even a select few of the pale ones who are capable of mutating to bubblegum pink or fuchsia pink, thus becoming the envy of all non-pale ones, who must settle for an unflattering orange hue.

For all this, the rejection of society towards the pale is increasing.

There was once a pale man who tried to rebel against his pale nature and, after intense sessions in the sun, he returned to his workplace announcing that he had taken color. “I’m golden,” he dared to pronounce in front of his companions. The pale one was pointed out amid laughter and humiliation from the non-pale, who assured that he was still the same as before his summer departure. The pale man was tempted to get rid of his clothes to show the brand of the swimsuit and thus corroborate his thesis, but he decided to keep his composure and return crawling with his own: we do know how to appreciate different shades of white and we assure him that he had managed to get “beige ”.

For all this, and as Empress of the Pale, I see myself in the obligation to send this letter to the non-pale to transmit these requests in pursuit of an improvement in the relations between the two peoples:

1. The pale will have the right to go to the beach in the company of the non-pale without any of the latter implying that they reflect sunlight or that they can serve as a decoy in case any of the others get lost.

2. When a pale is left with a non-pale, the non-pale will promise not to bring his arm quickly to the arm of the pale to “compare brunettes.”

3. If, in what would be an exceptional event and after a holiday in the Canary Islands, a pale person turns into a non-pale person, the non-pale must accept him as if he had always been one of their own.

Without further ado, and having to leave because the sun is beginning to enter through the window and I am burning right away, receive a cordial greeting from the Empress of the Pales.

Paula Púa He is a screenwriter and stand-up writer. She is currently the co-host of ‘Los Felices Veinte’ (Orange TV) and a collaborator of ‘El Mundo Today’, ‘La Ventana’ (Cadena SER) ‘and’ Tarde Lo Que Tarde ‘(RNE). It is very white.

Discover the best stories of the summer in Revista V.


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