Samantha Bee broke Texas’ new abortion law, the most restrictive in the nation, on Wednesday night, a week after the supreme court, in a 5-4 midnight decision, refused to block the ban. abortion after six weeks, before many women know they are pregnant. “The Texas law circumvents Roe v Wade and, as Judge Sonia Sotomayor pointed out in her dissent, it is flagrantly unconstitutional,” said the Full Frontal host.
“While the supreme court anti-kitty gang claimed they were ‘refusing to block’ Texas law on procedural grounds,” Bee continued, “this was just the latest partisan abuse of the court’s shadow record.” , emergency decisions were made hastily, in this case, with only three days of consideration, with no oral arguments. The majority court decision in this case was unsigned and had only one paragraph. “One paragraph and unsigned? Damn cowards, ”Bee raged. “If you are taking away our reproductive rights, at least acknowledge that they are ruthless monsters.”
The measure prohibits public officials from enforcing the law, but encourages private citizens to sue anyone who helps a woman undergo an abortion (doctors, clinic staff, Uber drivers) and promises to provide $ 10,000 in reward for a victorious case. “You know people will be mad when that money only comes in Jesus dollars, though,” Bee joked. “You can only use them in Hobby Lobby, and even then, they’re only good for pipe cleaners and long sticks.”
“But Texas lawmakers aren’t doing this shit for fun,” he added. “They are strategically trying to prevent the law from being challenged,” as the measure circumvents constitutionality challenges through the “sovereign immunity” doctrine, which allows people to sue states only if they target an official who does comply with a law. “God, can you imagine if one of these useless idiots devoted so much creativity and time to helping the millions of American children who do not have a safe home or food?” Bee wondered.
“As poignant as it is to see how useless our supreme court has become, it is hard not to want to walk directly into our rapidly rising oceans and never return,” concluded Bee, pointing to organizations such as the Lilith background, Texas Equal Access Fund, and the Afiya Center fighting in Texas. “We need to fight this oppressive law and all the others that follow it, because no person should be forced to give birth.”
“These days, you don’t have to look far for bad news,” Seth Meyers said on Wednesday’s Late Night show. “Here in New York City, the destruction from Hurricane Ida was so terrible that there were practically rivers flowing into people’s homes and cars floating in 5 feet of water. The flooding was so strong that the subway looked like a whitewater rapid. “
“It is undeniable, as it has been for a long time, that climate change is intensifying,” he continued. “A lot of [western US] It’s been on fire this summer, wildfires have spread across the country and made the air on the East Coast toxic, and New York City just declared its first flash flood emergency. It’s getting so bad that Pizza rat the water ballet has begun. “
Meyers also touched on the Texas abortion law, upheld by the supreme court in a last-minute decision at midnight. “That’s right, they did it in the dead of night, on a little more than a page, the same way a rich kid makes fun of an English freshman newspaper because he knows he can’t fail,” Meyers said.
“They destroyed a woman’s right to choose in Texas, and who knows where else, even though they’ve never gotten the support of the majority of the American people, and they don’t give a shit because they’re there for life,” she continued. I mean, if this is how our government is going to work, why not have a fucking monarchy? At least then we would have more messy tabloid dramas and a Netflix show called The Gavel where men are played by actors who are much more handsome than royal royalty. “
“There is a new one [coronavirus] variant in the city, and it’s called Mu, ”Stephen Colbert said on Wednesday’s Late Show. The variant, found in 167 people in Los Angeles County, is named after the 12th letter of the Greek alphabet, “and not, as I thought, the Pokémon Mu,” Colbert said. “Either way, you have to get vaccinated or you’ll catch them all.”
Last week, the World Health Organization called Mu a “variant of interest.”
“Okay, in the PR world, that’s what we call ‘rumors,'” Colbert joked. “A ‘variant of interest’ is less terrible than a ‘variant of interest’, which is the way Delta is classified. The classification system says, ‘variant of interest’, ‘variant of concern’, ‘variant of shitting my pants’ sometimes called’ code brown ‘, and finally’ variant of is there more space in Jeff’s penis rocket? Bezos to escape the planet? ? ‘”
The WHO said in a press release that vaccines may not work against Mu, as the variant has properties to evade immune responses caused by a “constellation of mutations,” “a constellation also known as The Big Downer,” Colbert joked. .
George is Digismak’s reported cum editor with 13 years of experience in Journalism