“It has been a difficult week for Donald Trump,” Seth Meyers said at Late Night on Wednesday, just two days after the electoral college certified Joe Biden’s victory. In the days that followed, Republican leaders like Mitch McConnell congratulated the president-elect (“though too late,” Meyers added), and Trump’s Mar-a-Lago neighbors called on the city of Palm Beach, Florida, to enforce a 1990s law. Agreement that prevented the future former president from making the complex his main residence.
Since New York is also unwilling to welcome him, Trump “will be our first former nomadic president,” Meyers said. “Remember how everyone made fun of Hillary Clinton for taking a walk in the woods once after losing? Trump is going to have to live in the forest. “
“Trump’s ego has obviously taken a hit this week,” Meyers continued, “so his allies have come up with an idea to make him feel better: give him credit for the Covid vaccine that he had nothing to do with.” Several Fox News anchors, including Jeanine Pirro and Geraldo Rivera, have called for the vaccine to be named after the president, while the Washington Post published an op-ed by a conservative columnist titled “Giving Trump credit for the vaccine is the best Biden’s way of uniting the country. “
“Why should Trump get credit for the vaccine? What did he do besides saying ‘we should do a vaccine’? Meyers wondered. “Trump did nothing. It’s like the guy standing on the sidewalk watching you parallel park. “
On the Late Show, Stephen Colbert observed Mitch McConnell’s belated congratulations to President-elect Joe Biden after the electoral college vote. “Even McConnell has jumped ship – fortunately his duck works as a flotation device,” he joked.
Colbert also discussed some “spicy” comment from Biden’s campaign manager, Jen O’Malley Dillon in a interview with Glamor magazine: “The president-elect was able to connect with the people through this sense of unity. In the primaries, people made fun of him, like, ‘Do you think you can work with Republicans?’ “Dillon said, adding,” I’m not saying they’re not a bunch of bastards. Mitch McConnell is terrible. “
“Ok, there is some kumbaya, but also a good amount of ‘kiss my ass,'” Colbert joked. Now insulting your countrymen may seem like a bit of a strange way to bring people together, but Joe Biden wants to build a real big tent where everyone is welcome: the terrible people, the damned ones, where the asshole nozzle sits in. the sorority table next to the asshole, where the nut holds hands with the cat hole, where the jerk can raise his idiot-faced kids to be any kind of dillweed they want. That kind of scope has to be in the presidential toolbox. Oh also, Mitch McConnell is a tool. “
“The defeat of Donald Trump was supposed to bring us some peace at the end of the year,” Samantha Bee said on Full Frontal, “but because 2020 is the messiest of bitches, she decided to extend our election for a two-month more, letting the future of the United States depend on a single state. “
That would be Georgia, where two second-round elections on January 5 will determine control of the United States Senate. The state’s unusual second-round process, Bee explained, was invented as a “deceptive little way to keep black voters and their preferred candidates out of power.”
The run-off procedure was proposed in 1963 by segregationist Denmark Groover as a way to allow white voters, who are generally divided among multiple candidates, to consolidate in a rematch of plurality winners behind their preferred candidate, thereby undermining the political power of black voters. “Essentially, he gentrified the ballots, and it still continues to this day, which explains that some of the voting machines now sell CBD foot cream,” Bee joked.
Joking aside, “it’s an understatement to say that Georgia’s runoff results are important,” Bee continued. The result will determine the balance of power in the Senate and whether or not the Biden administration will be able to deliver on its campaign promises.
“It could answer questions about the world we will live in,” he concluded. “Can we improve healthcare? Will we invest in clean energy? Will the United States continue to provide the resources for Taylor Swift to release more surprise albums, or will I have to personally take care of it as a patron of the Italian Renaissance? “
Jimmy Kimmel also spoke about the decline of the president’s allies in his quest to remain in the White House, as even McConnell detached himself from his unfounded refusal to accept the election results. “This is the part of the emperor’s new clothes where everyone starts to notice that maybe a testicle has appeared,” Kimmel joked.
And “even if the old cheddar in charge decides to hit the road, he may have nowhere to go,” as Palm Beach, Florida residents have asked the city to stop Trump from declaring Mar-a-Lago your private residence. .
“What an interesting turn of events,” Kimmel marveled. “This started with Donald Trump’s father, who made his fortune evicting people from their homes, now ends with his son’s eviction from not one but two houses in a month.
“In other words, God exists and he has a very good sense of humor about all of this.”
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