Monday, January 24

Something about my perfect partner does not benefit me … | Relations


The question My partner and I are 33 years old. We met two years ago. He is a kind and attractive person, and from the beginning he felt confident, relaxed and comfortable, but not especially sparkling. This is still true. However, the more we get to know each other, the more some things improve. Unlike some of my previous peers, he is sensitive, intelligent, always kind, caring, and generous – qualities that I truly value and, having had many negative dating experiences in the past, I can appreciate.

The problem is that there is a part of me that is insecure and not me know why. I think I would like someone to start more conversation or more adventures. I love him and I care a lot about him. I enjoy your company and I feel loved; we have good sex. Everything seems to be there, but I want feel more excited, more excited about the relationship. The sense of passion and enthusiasm that I had in previous relationships probably stemmed from an unhealthy dynamic., Because I never knew where I was standing

So I don’t know what to do and it is making me anxiousous. I feel like I’m changing my mind every minute. I care about him and I don’t want to hurt him, so I don’t want to talk about with the. He says the relationship it’s great.

Philippa’s answer I have a friend who is staying with me and when I read the email you sent her she said: “Tell her to leave it because I will have it.” So how will you feel when your partner is dating my friend, or anyone else? Because it sounds like a guardian to me.

Very often I tell people who are addicted to adrenalized love that their type of romantic partner is not their type. You are likely obsessed (often mistaken for love) when you are unsure where you stand with someone and then when positive attention is paid to you, you rush. Whereas when all you get is positive attention, it’s easy to take it for granted. There will be no minimums that are the reason for such maximums. Is it your choice between peaks and valleys versus a slow and steady build towards a longer lasting high? Think of love as something you do, acting with love, rather than something you fall for. Choosing a partner is not like choosing curtains. Curtains start out great and then fade. A relationship continues to grow and build.

Aristophanes, in his account of the origins of love, imagined that human beings are cut in half by the gods and that everyone has the other perfect half out there; all we have to do is find them. He has a lot to answer for because they never cut us in half, there is no perfect match. But three things can help. Number one is commitment – a relationship is much less likely to work without it because instead of solving problems, it is more likely to slip away. Second, take responsibility for your own feelings instead of thinking that your partner is responsible for them. The third thing is time. You say: “The more we get to know each other, the more some things improve”; that’s what long-term love is all about, not the thrilling uncertainty of “he loves me, he doesn’t love me.” I think you know that you are building a great relationship with this person, but it’s like you have a self sabotage too.

When you decide on something, you also end up with something (decide means to kill in Latin). So if you commit to this man, that means you’ve cut off the possibility of other options. It’s natural to want it all, but having something that will work great and is turning into something even better means saying goodbye to the possibility of those exciting men who were less trustworthy.

It’s hard to commit in these internet dating times because we have an infinite number of options. Naturally, people don’t want to make the wrong decision, but this fear of making a mistake can mean that they stay on the fence, where you are now. Not making a decision is still a decision that has consequences.

Psychologist Barry Schwartz did experiments on how much our choice affects how we feel about the decisions we make. When people have six chocolates to choose from, they decide quickly and are happy with their choice. When they have 100 to choose from, most people don’t go for the first one that they are likely to enjoy, instead they are haunted by all of them, and then when they finally choose one, they are much less satisfied with it than people who only had one choice. of six. Schwartz also found that people tend to be what he calls maximizers or satisfiers. The former seek perfection and the latter have a “that’s enough” attitude and guess who is happier overall. Yes, the Satisfactory. He is afraid that something better is around the corner, so he does not compromise. And yet, the choice you commit to will give you the most satisfaction because it is the commitment, as much as or more than the object, that makes it a good choice. Your tendency to maximize is your self-saboteur, not your friend.

PS: I heard that skydiving is good for excitement.

If you have any questions, please send a short email to [email protected]


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