Thursday, May 26

Stephen Colbert on Afghanistan: ‘An infinite war, without end’ | Late night TV overview

Stephen Colbert

Joe Biden announced Wednesday that all American forces will depart Afghanistan before September 11, 2021, ending America’s longest war, which has cost $ 2 trillion and spanned 20 years. “To put it another way, this war is too old to date Matt Gaetz,” joked Stephen Colbert on the Late Show. “Those are European numbers from the 17th century. That is the kind of war you fight because the Spanish Countess rejected your proposal to unite the kingdoms and elope with the Duke of Saxony.

“This conflict is older than the Marvel Cinematic Universe! It is an infinite war, without end. “

Ending the war has long been a goal for the president, who was the most important dissenting voice against the troop surge in 2008 and 2009. “This has been going on for so long, Biden has been trying to pull the troops out. since I was normal and old, ”Colbert explained. “Now he’s just old from Mountain Dew Baja Blast Extreme.

“Throughout the entire process, our troops have always fulfilled their mission, even when Washington could not clearly define what that mission was,” he continued. “But as the war dragged on, news stations stopped covering it and politicians stopped talking about it, even though 2,400 servicemen gave their lives, the ongoing war in Afghanistan did not receive a mention in the debates. presidential.

“This war has stayed with us through four occupants of the White House without anything changing,” he concluded. “And now Joe Biden has decided it’s time to close that door to nowhere.”

Trevor noah

On the Daily Show, Trevor Noah focused on a discussion of the systemic racism behind the police murder of Daunte Wright in Brooklyn Center, Minnesota, just 10 miles from the courtroom where Officer Derek Chauvin is being tried by the murder of George Floyd.

On Wednesday, Brooklyn Center officer Kim Potter was charged with second-degree murder after she allegedly mistook her gun for her Taser and killed 20-year-old Wright, who was unarmed, during a traffic stop.

“I think it’s good to be accused, but let’s be honest, that doesn’t mean much by itself,” Noah said. “I mean, charging a police officer is like announcing that you are withdrawing from Afghanistan; I will not hold my breath for the results.

“I don’t think we can make any changes in police procedure, equipment, or funding that will fix the whole problem of how police treat blacks,” Noah said. But a start would be to fix a problem outlined by Brooklyn Center Mayor Mike Elliott at a press conference: None of the city’s police officers actually live in Brooklyn Center.

“It matters when you are not policing your own community, when you are an outsider, because then you have been sent to enforce the law,” Noah said. You are an occupying force. Because it’s human nature to treat people differently when you’re not from there.

“It is more difficult to brutalize people when you live in the same community,” he added. “You’re less likely to hit someone on the ground when your moms can be in the same book club.”

Samantha bee

Potter’s second-degree murder charges “are not enough,” Samantha Bee said on Full Frontal. “It doesn’t change the fact that this was another horrific example of violence against black people by the police” and one of 260 police killings that have occurred in the first three months of 2021 alone.

“When a white person is arrested, they don’t have to fear for their lives just because they bought an air freshener to make their car smell like a Christmas tree,” Bee said, referring to the reason why Wright, minutes before he will kill. , He said his mother arrested him on Sunday.

“Somehow the police will arrest a black person for a small piece of cardboard hanging from a mirror, but not a white person for having a series of bumper stickers,” such as Confederate flags and militia symbols. ” who say ‘I’m probably a murderer’ “.

“Make no mistake: this situation got worse because Daunte was black,” concluded Bee. “Daunte Wright deserves justice, George Floyd deserves justice, many other lives destroyed by police violence deserve justice, because the lives of blacks matter.”

Jimmy Kimmel

And in Los Angeles, Jimmy Kimmel provided the latest update on the Matt Gaetz sex scandal saga. Florida congressman and Trump fanboy is under investigation for sex trafficking, a sexual relationship with a 17-year-old girl and the payment of sexual favors.

On Wednesday, new reports discussed his “crazy house parties” with Republican officials. “They would have afterparties after official events with drugs and sex and pita chips and everything,” Kimmel said.

Two women who were at parties told CNN they watched Gaetz take pills and exchange money for sex. “Has Matt Gaetz learned nothing from Donald Trump?” Kimmel wondered. “Their lawyer is supposed to pay the women after having sex with them, secretly.”

Gaetz has denied the allegations, as well as a CNN report that Trump refused to meet him at Mar-a-Lago. “All the guy does is brag about his time with Trump, which I guess explains why he would be so upset with the idea of ​​people thinking that Trump won’t see him,” Kimmel said. “Maybe they share a cell together, wouldn’t that be sweet?”

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