Stephen Colbert spoke about the good and bad news about the pandemic on Thursday’s Late Show. Covid cases have risen in all 50 states over the past week, as a highly communicable variant spreads and vaccination rates decline. On the bright side, scientists agree that the vaccine is up to the challenge of handling evolving variants. “Did you hear that, pandemic? We can take anything new you throw at us! “said Colbert.” Do you have any idea how many new Oreo cookie flavors we’ve put up with? “
“The only thing that spreads faster than Covid variants is Covid misinformation, especially on social media,” he continued. In response, Facebook has begun tracking and removing groups that present misleading or sensational information about vaccines. But they have run into trouble when anti-vax groups changed their names to euphemisms like “dance party” to avoid detection. “So get ready for new dance freaks like” Real Saturday Night Fever, Harlem Ache and The Floss of Taste and Smell, “Colbert joked.
Anti-vax groups have published codes such as “danced” and “drank beer” to refer to “vaccinated”; Pfizer is “pizza”, Moderna is “Moana”. “Dance, beer, pizza, Moana, if you’re going to describe something that you think is killing everyone, you might not use code words that are things that everyone universally loves,” Colbert said.
“Of course, the pandemic has exacerbated our pre-existing condition of extremely wealthy people,” he added, citing a Bloomberg report on superyacht charter, which have risen more than 340%. “This is disgusting. In a time of dire need, the ultra-rich shouldn’t waste their money on ships. That’s money that could be used to launch giant penises into space,” Colbert joked, referring to Jeff Bezos’ phallic-shaped rocket, which went into space earlier this week.
“There’s a lot going on in the world right now, and it’s easy to look at the state of things and get a little apocalyptic vibe,” Seth Meyers said on Late Night. “Covid cases have almost tripled in two weeks thanks to a highly contagious new variant, billionaires are traveling into space as life expectancy in the United States experienced its biggest drop since World War II, and thanks to intense Wildfires on the west coast, smoke covered parts of the country as far east as New York.
“On a good day, breathing the air in New York City is like smoking Marlboro Reds in a railroad car,” he reflected. “Do you know how bad it has to be to notice the air quality in New York? It’s like noticing a ketchup stain on a red couch.
“Probably due in part to post-apocalyptic scenes of mass animal extinctions, deadly heat waves, flooded subway stations in New York City, smoke covering the sky and turning the sun blood red and rings of fire in the Gulf of Mexico, Americans now list climate change as their second highest priority, ”added Meyers. “But if you are worried about that, good news! Fox News host Jesse Watters has a solution: just become her. “
Earlier this week, Watters instructed his viewers: “If you want to stop climate change, you are not fighting climate change. If it’s hotter, you adapt. “
“Yeah, just adapt!” Meyers was impassive. “Who needs a taxi when you can Uber a dolphin? Of course, the problem with the Uber dolphins is that they can’t get a hint when you don’t want to talk. “
George is Digismak’s reported cum editor with 13 years of experience in Journalism