Wednesday, January 19

Teach him to lose: the benefits he will have in the future


In life, we are going to lose more times than to win, therefore, it seems logical that we teach our children to do it. Otherwise, “they will suffer a lot and will not develop a healthy personality,” says the psychologist Patricia Ramírez.

Benefits of teaching our children to lose

Knowing how to lose is an attitude, and as such, it can be learned. It is in our power to teach our children to do it. The benefits? We detail them below:

Will not cheat

There are children so obsessed with failure that, to avoid losing, they resort to all kinds of strategies. For example, cheating on tests or cheating when playing with other children. He will reproduce these patterns in adult life as well, doing his best to get his way in any situation. In this sense, a child who knows how to lose will be an adult who accepts the rules of the game.

You will not avoid facing challenges

It has been shown that those children who have always been valued for the grade instead of the effort, tend not to face difficult challenges for fear of not overcoming them. It is because of that A child who always wants to win will not consider facing situations that pose a risk, for fear of losing. The consequences are children unable to get out of their comfort zone, who do not make an effort and, therefore, do not improve.

They will know how to overcome

A child who knows how to lose is a child who, after a fall, gets up and keeps walking. It does not mean that he does not suffer from the fall, of course he suffers, but keep going. He sees the error as a learning process, as one more part of the path he has to travel to reach his goal.

They will learn the value of effort, beyond the result

Knowing how to lose is accepting that we are not sufficiently prepared to win, that we need to keep trying. If a child is used to everything going well the first time, he will not understand the value of sacrifice, of effort, of perseverance. And when he loses, he will be frustrated. Therefore, the sooner our son faces difficult situations, in which he loses, the sooner he will learn that reaching the goal requires a great deal of effort.

They will accept a ‘no’

Losing is also receiving ‘noes’. When they are young, our children ask us for things. If we say to everything that they do, if they always get away with it, if they never “lose” in a negotiation, when they go out and get a ‘no’, they will not know how to manage it. Children with “good lose” are children who know how to manage a ‘no’.

A child who does not know how to lose will avoid facing challenges for fear of not winning

Will be more loved among your friends

If every time your child loses playing with his friends, he gets angry or cheats not to do so, the rest of the children will not want to play with him. Therefore, a child who knows how to lose is also a child with greater social skills. Not only will you accept that others win and he loses, but you will also be happy for your friend’s victory and congratulate him on it, improving your interpersonal relationships.

A child who knows how to lose will be a child with greater social skills Freepik


Do not tolerate frustration, you have to get going

Frustration is a normal, everyday emotion that arises when things don’t go the way we expect or want them to. We have all felt frustration at some point. That our children get sad when something does not go their way is logical, the problem is when this leads them to have exaggerated reactions and affects them in the development of certain activities. In this sense, a child who knows how to lose is a child who also knows how to control frustration. However, the talent and leadership expert Noelia López-Cheda told us in an article that “rather than tolerating frustration”, in the sense of stoically enduring it “would be to accept (rather than not resign) what has happened and get going to see what can be done.”

It is logical that our children get sad when they lose, the problem is that they respond in an exaggerated way

For López-Cheda, starting up after experiencing frustration has two phases:

  1. Ask what emotion we have and validate it

  2. Then focus on the solution or reflection.

Some of the keys to be able to go from frustration to solution are these:

  1. Understand and legitimize your anger, without judging it: “I understand that you are frustrated having failed.” “I know it makes you angry that I don’t buy this from you now.”

  2. Allow them time to cool down and cool down, without sermons, without minimizing what they feel and without trying to move to the solution before letting them experience the intense emotion that they feel now. “If you need to talk, here I am.” “Do you want me to give you a hug?” …

  3. Once they have calmed down, express empathy and encourage them to figure out for themselves what to do next. “What do you think you have to do to avoid failing the next exam?” – “Let’s think together a plan to be able to prepare it better.”

  4. Criticize the behavior, but not the emotion or the person. In frustration, our son or daughter may have spoken badly, or been a bit rude or rude. Of course, if our son wants us to buy him something and we don’t, he won’t thank us. We can understand and legitimize your anger, while setting limits on your behavior. “I understand that it annoys you, but I speak to you with respect and you should also do it.” “I understand that it bothers you to have failed, but I do not allow you to talk about the teacher like that” …


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