Wednesday, August 10

These are the signs that your daughter is experiencing gender violence

The signs that can alert you that your daughter suffers from gender violence

1 in 3 adolescents suffers gender violence in our country. It is a shocking fact that forces us to become aware that, despite the fact that the values ​​of equality and non-discrimination between the sexes are widely accepted in our society, there is still much to do.

In fact, the data that emerges from the report ‘It is not love’, prepared by Save the Children, show us that sexist patterns and behaviors that we believed were eradicated are perpetuated and accepted among younger people. One piece of information: the report reflects that 1 in five boys between the ages of 15 and 29 consider that gender-based violence does not exist, which is “an ideological invention.” In addition, 1 in 3 young people considered it inevitable or acceptable in some circumstances “to control the couple’s schedules”, “to prevent the couple from seeing their family or friends”, “not to allow the couple to work or study” or “to tell them the things it can or cannot do.

“We have not managed to be the generation that ends gender violence, but we have to educate the generation that does succeed”

Marina Marroquí – Social educator and author of ‘That’s not love’

That the relatives or parents detect that our daughter is suffering gender violence is very important to help her get out of that relationship. “I suffered gender violence from 15 to 18 years old and, unfortunately, victims of gender violence are the last to realize it,” says Marina Marroquí, victim of gender violence in adolescence, social educator and author. from the book ‘That’s not love’.

What are the signs that can help me know that my daughter is experiencing gender-based violence?

There are signs that can help us detect that our daughter is experiencing gender violence, which will allow us to help her before it is too late.

It is important that not only mothers and fathers know how to detect these signs, but also teenagers, so that when they experience certain situations they know how to name them and run away “, says Marina Marroquí.

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She alerts us to the signs that may indicate that our daughter is suffering gender violence:

  • Your daughter is more irritable than usual or even violent.

  • Your relationship with her worsens.

  • You notice that after an argument with her boyfriend she spends a lot of time alone and crying.

  • When they argue, he tells you about fights that he has never told you before.

  • From one day to the next, she leaves her hobbies and focuses on his.

  • He begins to withdraw from his lifelong friends.

  • Change the way he dresses and his sense of humor when he is in front of him.

  • He is always aware of “not making him angry.”

  • When they are not together, she sends him photos so he can see what he is doing and is always available to talk to him on the phone, even if he has to stop what he is doing.

“The sooner we detect that our daughter suffers gender violence, the easier it will be to get her out of the well”

Marina Marroquí – Social educator and author of ‘That’s not love’

Are there signs to identify an abuser?

In addition to these signs, the social educator offers clues to identify the abuser. Observing the behaviors she has with your daughter can be a good way to discover this situation. “See if at some point he threatens to commit suicide if she leaves him, if he continually tells her how clumsy he is, if he reveals his intimacies to ridicule her or if he blames her for his failures and problems. All of these are key indicators that your daughter is facing an abuser ”, Marina tells us.

Batterers use the victim’s social isolation as a strategy Pexels

How do I help my daughter if I see signs that she is experiencing gender-based violence?

If you have realized that your daughter is experiencing gender violence, you can do a lot to help her get out of this problem. Marina advises the following:

  • Don’t pressure her, be understanding and give her confidence.

  • It is important not to judge her or blame her for not having told you before.

  • Do not try to force him to leave the relationship, force is not the solution to this problem.

  • Absolute control over her will only make her more overwhelmed and away from you.

  • It must feel close to you. It is very important to keep in mind that he will always have you by his side.

  • Don’t stop talking to her if she returns to him or doesn’t do what she promised.

  • You have to arm yourself with patience, even appear to be a good relationship with the abuser, so that he does not turn it against you.

  • Do not underestimate what he tells you, even if it does not seem so serious.

  • Try to get him to go to professionals.

Remember that there is a helpline for victims of gender violence.

The phone is the 016 and leaves no trace on the bill

Why is it difficult for us to see that our daughter suffers gender violence?

Many mothers and fathers are ashamed or feel guilty for not being able to detect earlier that their daughter suffered gender-based violence. These feelings are based on misconceptions, such as that violence is easily detectable and visible, that it is physical (and therefore leaves a mark), and that the abuser is “seen coming.” But, as the Guide for mothers and fathers of daughters who suffer gender violence, prepared by the Andalusian Institute for Women, Gender-based violence in a couple and, especially, in adolescents is difficult to detect for several reasons:

  1. The abuser’s behaviors are not usually aggressive (more evident and detectable), but behaviors that favor domination, abuse or control, blackmail … That is, violence is not only physical, it is also psychological. In fact, it is always psychological and, in some cases, it is also physical.
  2. Many of the controlling and dominating behaviors are normalized for the ideal of couple present in our society. For example, jealousy is seen as normal, even though it is the perfect alibi for isolation.
  3. Lisolation strategy carried out by the abuser makes your communication more difficult and limited, preventing you from being able to notice signs that may put you on alert.

  4. The image that your daughter’s partner transmits to you or how you see thatThe treatment when you are in front of you is going to be, in most cases, normal or even desirable. This is because the abuser does not act in the same way with her when there is an audience than when they are alone.

Victims of gender violence are afraid or ashamed to tell what they are going through / Pexels Freepik

Why hasn’t my daughter told me that she suffers from gender violence?

It is very common for adolescents who are suffering gender violence not to tell about it. In the first place, because they themselves have naturalized the situation and are not aware that they are suffering from it, but there are more causes:

  • The isolation to which he has subjected her makes the victim think that she is alone, that no one is going to believe or support her.

  • She is confused and disoriented: there are days when he treats her well, others badly … He insults her but tells her that he cannot live without her.

  • Also due to the cycle of violence itself, he wants to believe that he is going to change.

  • She is used to giving in to avoid conflict, therefore, she believes that she has the situation under control.

  • Guilt. He believes that she has caused the situation.

  • Feel ashamed or afraid to tell it. The fear may be that they will not believe her, that her partner leaves her, to be alone, to his reaction, to yours …

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