Monday, September 25

What to know about childfree marriages

I often hear couples complain about being asked about or pressured to have kids. This happens right after they get married, if they are of a certain age or if they are together for what others consider to be an “acceptable” amount of time.

There is a societal script that places having children as a necessary step to having a “successful” life. Kids are the final destination. We treat people as if they should want and have kids. But this is not always what people want or can do.

So, before asking someone when they will have kids consider the following:

  1. They have probably thought about whether or not they wanted kids, as well as the timing. If they choose not to share their thought process or decision with you –respect that.
  2. This question may add stress to the relationship. If a couple hasn’t made the decision yet or are not on the same page, asking them about kids can be a triggering or stressful conversation for them to have with others.
  3. Their timeline should not be influenced by people outside the relationship. (So ​​why pressure them?)
  4. They may be struggling to conceive.
  5. Just because they are married or have been in a relationship for a while it doesn’t mean their relationship is ready for a child. (They might be miserable and fighting all the time.)
  6. Are you projecting your desires or beliefs onto them?
  7. Maybe they are happy without kids!

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