The little lies or white lies benefit the adult for the comfort and quick resolution of a perhaps painful or complicated issue, but does it help the recipients? Do they work like patches for our children? Protection of emotions counting little lies It can give us a false sense of security, since we may think that we are protecting them from something harmful (or painful), but what happens when we have to give the real version to children?
Boys and girls are people and if we educate under the idea of training critical, sincere and committed human beings, it is better to tell them things as they are and as they have happened, as the teacher considers it Teresa Sanchez Valdes, specialist in teaching resources for teachers. He tells us: “This does not mean that we do not have to adapt our discourse to the age of the person. We have to adapt the words, the arguments and the explanations so that they can understand them, assume them and integrate them in their life and, especially if it is a difficult situation that will affect them directly ”. Sánchez Valés assures that telling a lie will perhaps only contribute to creating a parallel world from which it will be difficult for them to emerge unscathed.
For the psychologist and psychotherapist Paola Roig-Gironella It is not a good idea to lie to children: “It is important to think that their parents are the most reliable source of information that exists for them. We are powerful beings, we know everything and we can. They will believe everything we always say ”. But as they say, lies, even if they are pious, have very short legs, and at some point they will discover the truth. “At that moment they will realize that we lack their trust and they will question us as a reliable source of information, which may be counterproductive for the future,” says Roig-Gironella, who directs Pell a pell, platform and care group from which she accompanies motherhood and upbringing.
He continues: “We would have to ask them what we want to protect them from with the little lies. Or if we want to protect them more than ourselves ”. Sometimes we project fears, insecurities, and anxieties onto children that have more to do with what happens to us than what actually happens to them. We must also be clear that we will not be able to protect them so that nothing happens to them. “And even if we could, it wouldn’t be a good idea either. But we can accompany them. Be there for them. Sustain and contain pain, bewilderment or fear ”, says Paola Roig-Gironella, who believes that it is important to start talking and talking about all issues.
For the teacher Teresa Sánchez, both a divorce, the death of a loved one, separations or anger, “everything should be dealt with naturally, providing valid arguments that give meaning to the situation.” Sometimes, as adults, we are more afraid of communicating than they are of understanding and accepting, that although we have the feeling that they have not assimilated everything that we have wanted to transmit to them, with the day to day and with their own criteria they finish building the message and accept the new situation.
To Coni La Grotteria, director of Ituitu Early Childhood Education Center a real family accompaniment is necessary, creating propitious moments for family dialogue: “A democratic parenting style, with secure bonds of attachment, where respect and quality time without distractions prevail, forgetting technologies and putting ourselves at the height of our sons and daughters, something as simple as looking into their eyes, will influence how they face changes and the most complex issues, ”says La Grotteria. Practicing dialogue as a family from early childhood, avoiding interrogations and sharing our daily experiences “will help us face difficult issues, producing more meaningful learning for life.”
Paola tells us from Pell a pell: “Many of us have grown up without receiving an explanation to some issues that concerned us. We know from our own experience that we might have saved ourselves pain or confusion if someone had sat us down and explained things to us with love, calm and clarity. Be careful, this does not mean to explain how we would explain them to an adult. Rather, it involves adapting the narrative to the age of each child ”. A three-year-old does not need to know what semen is or what an ovary is, for example. In the same way, you don’t need to know how many tendons you have in your leg, says Roig-Gironella. “The idea is to adapt reality to the age of each child. We will not explain the same to a 4-year-old as to an 11-year-old. It may also be that sometimes children ask us things that we do not know, or for which we have no answer. And it’s good to be able to show it and tell them that we don’t know ”.
Para La Grotteria the question of how children are made is totally natural, therefore, “we should not be alarmed, and understand that boys and girls inquire, without being an explicit association with sexuality”. His proposal is to chat calmly, without laughing or ridiculing the situation, adapting to age, responding assertively and being the child himself who leads the questions so as not to burden him with inappropriate information. He recommends avoiding nicknames to private parts or fantasy stories like children come from Paris.
Eddie is an Australian news reporter with over 9 years in the industry and has published on Forbes and tech crunch.