You be the judge: should my husband stop removing the sink strainer? | marriage

The prosecution: Clara

Using the sink strainer is simple and could prevent a big plumbing hassle

I live with my husband, Simeon, in a house that has a sink strainer, which I think is quite useful. It helps with collecting any sort of food debris and, for me, it’s just an obvious thing to use. I’ve always had one in my home. But Simeon doesn’t feel that way.

We’ve had this little running kitchen battle in the three years we’ve been married and lived together – . I put the sink strainer in the plug, and he takes it out. Round and round we go. I get irritated and so does he.

Simeon thinks the sink strainer is annoying and useless. He says it doesn’t really have a function, that the sink and the pipes will actually take food and coffee grounds without any problem. But I think coffee grains and oats should never go down the sink. Simeon says we should just let small food particles flow down the sink.

He also says that, because we live in a hot climate in Australia, if food is left in the sink strainer, cockroaches or other insects may come along and cause problems. I kind of agree with that. I don’t want more cockroaches around our home. But obviously, that stance assumes that you don’t clear out the strainer on a regular basis. I would say I take the food out of the strainer three to five times a day. I clean it out and put the food remains in the bin. It takes about 10 seconds. For me it’s not overly onerous but Simeon says it’s a waste of time and an unnecessary action.
Simeon did say that, if the sink clogs up, he will pay for a plumber. But I think that’s silly and extravagant. We have antiquated plumbing from the 1970s so I am worried that his habits will make things worse. And surely prevention is better than cure? If we have a sink strainer what’s the point in not using it and spending money on a problem that we could avoid?

The defence: Simeon

Our pipes are big enough to cope with coffee grounds getting washed down the plughole

Leaving the sink strainer in the sink is annoying. It reminds me of the times I lived in a shared house and I had a flatmate who left the washing up in the sink. If I want to wash coffee grounds down the sink or something similar, I need to remove it first. I don’t like having to deal with the food in the strainer before I can do my thing. The default function of a sink is to have an open drain. Things should just flow down whenever it is necessary. I see the strainer as totally devoid of purpose.

We also have a dishwasher, but I think rinsing things in the sink so that it prevents the dishwasher from clogging up makes more sense than trying to prevent the sink clogging up. The sink is designed to carry small bits of food away, whereas the dishwasher isn’t and has an in-built strainer.

I think the main disagreement between me and Clara is where we leave the strainer. She likes it in the sink, whereas I would prefer it to be left outside the sink so you could just use the sink to rinse things down. The sinks where we live have drains that are 65-75mm wide. Basically anything that goes through that has been fine. Anything small enough – oats from porridge, muesli, small food particles, coffee grounds – it’s fine. Clara hates that I let all that stuff go down our sink, but we’ve had no problems so far. I’ve spoken to plumbers and they affirm my stance: small food bits won’t clog our drains, but fats and oils will. I never put those down the sink.

Clara is super tidy, probably tidier than me. We both keep the kitchen clean, we just disagree on this strainer issue. I think it should sit outside the sink unless she wants to use it and we should keep our sink in its default natural state. It’s all pretty simple in my mind.

The jury of Guardian readers

Should Simeon stop removing the strainer from the sink?

Simeon needs to realize that putting anything other than water-based substances down the plughole is inviting a plumber to visit. A proper plumber, not the ones he’s selectively spoken to. There are so many websites on this matter – it really isn’t rocket science. Who wants a fatburger in their life!?
John, 68

A plumber may have given their view, but surely it’s best to just avoid the risk by using the bin? Why not spend that potential money on a plumber on a nice day out as a couple, instead of offering to foot a bill because you’re so stubborn?
Jamie, 33

I hate fishing slimy food out of the sink strainer, but living with another means you must compromise. Prevention is better than cure and I’m not convinced sink drains are “built for it”. It’s not just about paying for a plumber. I’m also loath to chuck drain-busting chemicals down there.
Sarah-Jane, 31

Clara handles most strainer cleaning duties, so why should it bother Simeon that she does. When he uses the strainer as a “plug” that’s a small compromise. He shouldn’t be pouring food bits down the sink: yes, it can cause blockages.
Arabella, 40

Not guilty. Simeon is in that place of learning to live with someone who has very different domestic habits. Often what seems logical to one is infuriating another. This isn’t about the strainer, it’s about the domestic communication that goes overlooked.
Henry, 21

You be the judge

So now you can be the judge. In our online poll below, tell us: should Simeon stop removing the strainer from the sink?

The poll will close Thursday 6 October at 9am BST

Last week’s result

We asked whether Fred should stop disappearing without telling his friends

63% of you said yes – Fred is guilty

37% of you said no – Fred is not guilty